It's been awhile since I've blogged. I can't promise I'll improve, but I'll try. One day at a time,right?
I read an article the other day about judgmental moms. It stuck out to me, because I remember being that way to other moms, BEFORE I was even a mom. I realized that I have ALWAYS been this way. It really got me thinking. I know I've lost friends over the years because I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. I've had friends afraid to tell me important milestones in their lives, just because they were afraid of what I'd say. Whenever I heard that, it would make me sad. I never meant for people to feel that way about me. I sure know that I'm not perfect, and I've definitely made my share mistakes. Many, in fact. A lot of the reason I'm doing poorly today is my own fault. I
guess, though, that I always have be to be right. Even if it isn't about me.
I cringe when i think of some of the things I've said. I sure had no right to say them. I can remember an argument I had with a pregnant friend, well before I had my own daughter. I told that friend she was stupid for having a video monitor. I just didn't see the point. My sister had used the regular one with my nephew and it worked just fine. Why spend money on video, was my reasoning. I remember saying to her:
"What are you going to do? Watch the baby sleep all night on TV?" She rightfully put me in my place, though I didn't agree at the time. Still, what business was of mine? When I read the article, it all came flooding back to me. I had tons of opinions on raising a child; but what gave me the right to express it?
That friend and I are no longer friends. We were fine after that day; it just ended up being a few of the relationships I lost during the year that I got married and had my daughter. Perhaps those friends had their opinions, and just were afraid to express them to me.
More than likely, my opinions on THEIR lives is probably what drove them away. I'm really sorry for that.
Over the last couple of years, I've tried to be better about that. I try not to give advice unless asked, or unless someone is in desperate need. I sure don't hand out parenting advice unless asked. I guess I learned how to be humble there.
Do I still have opinions? Damn right I do; ask my husband. I still express them, but I try to think before I do. This blog isn't called "A View From My Soapbox" for nothing. But, I am trying be a better person. Not just for myself; but for my daughter as well. I'm trying to be a better friend; a better listener.
So, when you see me around, and want to know what I think, I'll be glad to tell you.
You just have to ask first. ;)
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Sunday, April 29, 2012
2012 March For Babies
I think every year that we do this walk, I'll feel more comfortable and figure things out. I really wished we had the money to make the t-shirts. Next year, I'm going to start the fundraising even earlier. We at least were just a little short of my goal. Last year, we were way below. I guess it's a learning experience, right?
When I did this walk yesterday, I couldn't help but feel blessed about having Kyleigh. We were really, really fortunate. I often lose sight of that, because she is so challenging sometimes. She is going through the terrible twos, and she can be really tough to deal with. I'm happy, however, that she so far has turned out to be a "normally" developing kid. Her doctor said last month that she has finally caught up with her peers and is starting to make her own mark on the growth chart. It was music to my ears. We may face challenges when she goes to school, as they say that preemies tend to have learning difficulties. But, we will take that if it comes.
I saw a lot of former preemies there. Some were the same age as Kyleigh and were doing as well by the looks of it. I was touched by reading all of the little signs along the walk. I noticed, though, that many of them were of preemies who had challenges. (I'm going to look into that next year, to see if that's true. I think they should include ones who haven't faced challenges, too).
We spotted Kyleigh's former neighbor in the NICU this year. This time, we didn't go up to the family, as they seemed to resent our intrusion. We tried to see him, but he was all bundled up. He is only a few months older than Kyleigh, so we were curious to see him. We did spot a sign with his info on it. Later in the morning, we saw him. He was all bundled up, but he looked very small and frail. I felt for those parents, though I'm sure they wouldn't want our pity. I just kept thinking how fortunate we were. It could have easily been Kyleigh.
Her journey, though miraculous, was pretty flawless. We didn't have many concerns, except feeding. There was never any time the doctors told us she wouldn't make it, or it was touch and go. In that respect, I almost feel like we really don't belong there; as if we are mocking those with challenges.
So big deal, she was 4 lbs, 4 oz. Big deal, she spent 20 days in the NICU. I guess, however, she was there for a reason. And, I know if it hadn't been for M.O.D, she may not be here today.
We celebrate Kyleigh, for who she is, and where she will go. We are blessed.
I'm looking forward to next year, to continue to give back to an organization that gave so much to us.
When I did this walk yesterday, I couldn't help but feel blessed about having Kyleigh. We were really, really fortunate. I often lose sight of that, because she is so challenging sometimes. She is going through the terrible twos, and she can be really tough to deal with. I'm happy, however, that she so far has turned out to be a "normally" developing kid. Her doctor said last month that she has finally caught up with her peers and is starting to make her own mark on the growth chart. It was music to my ears. We may face challenges when she goes to school, as they say that preemies tend to have learning difficulties. But, we will take that if it comes.
I saw a lot of former preemies there. Some were the same age as Kyleigh and were doing as well by the looks of it. I was touched by reading all of the little signs along the walk. I noticed, though, that many of them were of preemies who had challenges. (I'm going to look into that next year, to see if that's true. I think they should include ones who haven't faced challenges, too).
We spotted Kyleigh's former neighbor in the NICU this year. This time, we didn't go up to the family, as they seemed to resent our intrusion. We tried to see him, but he was all bundled up. He is only a few months older than Kyleigh, so we were curious to see him. We did spot a sign with his info on it. Later in the morning, we saw him. He was all bundled up, but he looked very small and frail. I felt for those parents, though I'm sure they wouldn't want our pity. I just kept thinking how fortunate we were. It could have easily been Kyleigh.
Her journey, though miraculous, was pretty flawless. We didn't have many concerns, except feeding. There was never any time the doctors told us she wouldn't make it, or it was touch and go. In that respect, I almost feel like we really don't belong there; as if we are mocking those with challenges.
So big deal, she was 4 lbs, 4 oz. Big deal, she spent 20 days in the NICU. I guess, however, she was there for a reason. And, I know if it hadn't been for M.O.D, she may not be here today.
We celebrate Kyleigh, for who she is, and where she will go. We are blessed.
I'm looking forward to next year, to continue to give back to an organization that gave so much to us.
Well, I Guess I Haven't Blogged As Much As I Said I Would...
It's hard to find the time. I have too many commitments, it seems, spread out everywhere. I'm taking a class, which is finished in 3 weeks thank goodness. Our car is gone, Kyleigh is going through terrible twos, and I am impossibly busy at work now. I haven't had much time to think of myself or my life, or anything. I'm not really sure who I am anymore, to be honest. I'm hoping things will slow down....well, I've been hoping that for awhile. Let's hope it really does, and soon.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Pregnancy/Infant Loss Rembrance Day
It is another cause, besides preemie awareness, that is close to my heart. It takes a back burner now, I guess because I now have Kyleigh. It's hard to think of pain when I have all this joy of Kyleigh. Why, I wouldn't have her if it weren't for the loss that I had. It's hard for me to imagine being the mother of any child besides Kyleigh. But once, I was.
I was just 8 weeks along, but it felt like an eternity. There was nothing anyone could say to ease the pain of that loss. It was devastating. I felt like a failure for a long time.
It didn't help matters that the guy I was with at the time was more interested in hooking up with his childhood friend (not me this time) to truly be there and understand my loss. It was supposed to be "our" loss, but it never felt that way.
He accused me of being different after the loss. Well how else should I have been? Of course I was different! I was supposed to be a mother, and I was robbed of that opportunity.
I went to a couple of great support group meetings and met some great people. People who were like me. Some who had miscarriages, but others who had lost an infant. It defintely made me think of them last year, when I had my own infant. How scary it was, and still is, to think of her being taken from me.
I felt guilty for awhile, because sometimes when the loss comes back to me, I say " Oh well, you have Kyleigh now." Its always hard to think of being someone else's mom.
Time has definitely taken away the sting of this; but never the sadness of the loss. On Oct 19, (my due date) I would have had a 2 year old. I never forget. In mid March of every year since 2009, I never forget either.
So, please take the time to think of those who have lost an infant or pregnancy today.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Small Things Mean So Much With A Preemie
Yes, I keep harping on the preemie bandwagon. Some have said to me "Oh come on, she really wasn't that early..." or "In my day, everyone was a preemie..."
To me, it is important. No one lived through MY experience, not even my husband.
No one knows what it's like for me to replay the whole experience over in my head; to cry when I see other preemies; to shiver when I pass the hospital on the highway.
No one knows how much I felt robbed of much of the pregnancy experience. Even small things, like making it to 39 weeks or having had my baby in the room with me. I didn't get any of that. It wasn't fair.
It was even difficult to me for a very long time to accept that Kyleigh would have a summer birthday, and not the fall birthday I always envisioned.
Today, however, I would like to take the time to write about the smaller things with Kyleigh, and how grateful I am that she continues to meet every milestone like she was supposed to be born August 25 and not October 13.
I am proud of her.
She has done so well at school. She is very sociable and happy. She laughs and babbles non stop. She sees her friends crawl, then stand, and she is doing the same.
Everyone comments what a great baby she is, and she really is. She cries when she is hungry or tired, but dammit- so do I.
Every time she reaches a month birthday or gains weight, I rejoice. Usually on facebook. I'm very sure there are plenty of people tired about that, but then maybe I am tired of the stuff they post.
I am going to try to blog more often, and maybe save this rejoicing stuff for here.
Kyleigh, you're the best, and I am proud of you. <3
To me, it is important. No one lived through MY experience, not even my husband.
No one knows what it's like for me to replay the whole experience over in my head; to cry when I see other preemies; to shiver when I pass the hospital on the highway.
No one knows how much I felt robbed of much of the pregnancy experience. Even small things, like making it to 39 weeks or having had my baby in the room with me. I didn't get any of that. It wasn't fair.
It was even difficult to me for a very long time to accept that Kyleigh would have a summer birthday, and not the fall birthday I always envisioned.
Today, however, I would like to take the time to write about the smaller things with Kyleigh, and how grateful I am that she continues to meet every milestone like she was supposed to be born August 25 and not October 13.
I am proud of her.
She has done so well at school. She is very sociable and happy. She laughs and babbles non stop. She sees her friends crawl, then stand, and she is doing the same.
Everyone comments what a great baby she is, and she really is. She cries when she is hungry or tired, but dammit- so do I.
Every time she reaches a month birthday or gains weight, I rejoice. Usually on facebook. I'm very sure there are plenty of people tired about that, but then maybe I am tired of the stuff they post.
I am going to try to blog more often, and maybe save this rejoicing stuff for here.
Kyleigh, you're the best, and I am proud of you. <3
Our Walk for Preemies on April 30...
We walked for the March of Dimes almost 2 months ago. It was quite a walk. It sure put me and Eddie to the test physically. We could not be any more out of shape than we are right now. In the past, I’ve been able to walk 5k without difficulty. Ever since having Kyleigh, however, I have knee and heel problems.
The after effects of the walk were worth it, however.
I wished we had raised more money. I won’t list what I raised here, because it is quite embarrassing. I heard what other people raised, and our contribution pales in comparison. I suppose any little bit helps.
That, and the fact that we have friends as poor as we are. L
It was really interesting reading all of the signs that were posted along the walk. Some babies born so early and some later than Kyleigh. Some of the babies were born at the same length of gestation as Kyleigh (33 weeks). It also amazed me to see some of the birth defects that the babies had. It especially hit home when I saw the babies with birth defects who were born at 33 weeks gestation.
I’ve often thought that Kyleigh being born 7 weeks early was really no big deal compared to some of those babies. I also feel at times that I really don’t have a right to be upset, compared to the babies who were born at 30 weeks and under. But then I remind myself that Kyleigh did spend 20 days in the NICU. And that we faced just as much an uphill battle with the issues that Kyleigh did have. I spent 8-9 hours a day, for almost 20 days, at Kyleigh’s bedside. It seemed to fly by, like a blip on the radar.
We really were fortunate that Kyleigh was so strong during her time in the NICU. Her feeding was really difficult initially, but we got through it. She has reached pretty much every milestone right on time thus far. She hasn’t had any Early Intervention; in fact, they saw nothing wrong with her at 2 months old. As her doctor says “I don’t treat Kyleigh as a preemie because she doesn’t behave as one.”
Of course, there is no telling what kind of effects there will be later. A lot of preemies have learning disabilities and higher incidences of ADHD. Only time will tell. But, at least with my background as an educator, we will catch things quickly.
During our brief stay in the NICU, we really didn’t bond with many people. Most people stayed in their rooms and kept to themselves. We did have good relationships with the nurses. I always felt, however, like an outsider, since Kyleigh was doing well and was facing a much briefer stay than others. We did get friendly with our neighbors across the hall. Eddie was friendlier with them than I; the wife always seemed very guarded. I just attributed it to the stress that we were all under.
Their son had been a micro preemie- born 3 months or so before his due date. He had already spent over 3 months there. He had a setback before Kyleigh was released. He had an intestinal issue and needed to stay. They were really upset, and understandably so. We tried to be quiet and considerate the day that Kyleigh was released, but it was hard to keep from being excited.
On the walk, we saw this couple. We thought it would be a great idea to say hi. I’d always wondered how they were doing; and regretted not keeping in touch. They had a team of maybe 12-15 to support them. It was a little disappointing to me that we did not; almost heart breaking. Kyleigh had been through a lot too, and I considered it disrespectful that my family/friends did not see that.
Anyway, the couple was receptive to us. They smiled and said hello. I tried to take a peek at their son, but it was difficult to see because he was wrapped very warmly in an infant seat. From what I could see, he was smaller than Kyleigh. We learned that he was released just 4 days after she was. I asked how he was doing. His mother was very guarded. “He’s doing well. He will be a year old next month.” She said, somewhat cautiously. She remarked on how big Kyleigh had gotten, and I remarked that she was 8 months now and also doing well.
Eddie talked a bit with her husband, and we learned that they raised thousands for the March of Dimes. Thousands. Again, I was upset at the fact that we were poor, and had poor friends.
The couple went on their way, along with their group, and didn’t give us a second look.
I looked at Eddie and wondered aloud if they thought we were psycho for going up to them, because I found it to be uncomfortable. Eddie answered “I don’t know.”
Will we do the walk next year? Yes. But we will raise more money and support.
And maybe next year, we will feel less like outsiders.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Raindrops Keep Falling and Falling and Falling On Our Heads....
Lately, we just can't seem to catch a break. We have mountains of bills. Everytime we seem to be caught up, something else happens. I know that it is pretty much everyone's complaint. But it never seems to end for us. Ever.
We owe our landlord money. We owe both of our parents money. We can't afford the heat where we live- lucky us, it's oil. Our cable was shut off today; next are the phones. We are behind in electric; I have a ticket I needed to pay. Last night we realized the car is going- probably needs a new transmission. DH is online, searching for a car we can't afford. It just never ends, never. I know there are probably worse people off than us, but we are not too far ourselves. My MIL was yelling at us a couple of weeks ago - " Why cant you two get ahead?" We wish we knew the answer to that. All I can say right now is we need a miracle.
We owe our landlord money. We owe both of our parents money. We can't afford the heat where we live- lucky us, it's oil. Our cable was shut off today; next are the phones. We are behind in electric; I have a ticket I needed to pay. Last night we realized the car is going- probably needs a new transmission. DH is online, searching for a car we can't afford. It just never ends, never. I know there are probably worse people off than us, but we are not too far ourselves. My MIL was yelling at us a couple of weeks ago - " Why cant you two get ahead?" We wish we knew the answer to that. All I can say right now is we need a miracle.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Resolutions That I Do Not Make
I've come to the conclusion that reading blogs and writing one's blog is truly a full time job. I wanted to start writing a blog because I love to write, and I am told that I am quite good at it. I am hoping that once I get a little used to balancing time between being a mother and working full time that maybe I can write on a more consistent basis. I'm not making any promises, of course. Oh, will there ever be a time where I will be able to strike a balance?
I never make resolutions. I learned a long time ago that they cannot always be kept in a realistic manner, and why set one's self up for disappointment? However, in the coming year, there are some things I would like to improve:
~ I would like to get our family's finances in order. I think many families have this wish; but after the last year I've had, I realized how much more important this is. I wanted to be much more financially well off when I had the baby; I used to make pretty decent money. However, a lay off and some irresponsible spending habits led to a big financial mess. My husband blames himself for this; but in reality he is only a small part of the issue. It was all my baggage. It's funny- I have gone backwards from where I thought I would. I thought I would struggle, struggle, struggle before getting married and having a baby- but I did well first and then struggled the first year of my marriage and child. I feel like a 20 something sometimes. I do know a lot of people are in the same boat. If the US government refuses to call this a depression, then they are delusional. I haven't met one person who was not affected by all of this.
~ I would like to continue to have good relationships with my two stepdaughters. They are sweet girls and they have been through a lot. I have to remember my patience sometimes, as I deal with kids all day and it can be difficult to go through it on weekends. I am lucky to have 2 who are fairly accepting of me. It's hard for me to bite my tongue when it comes to their mothers, however. One is a controlling, cold witch..and the other is a cold, selfish witch...but hey. I feel sorry for them both. Of course, at the end of the day, it is about the girls.
~ I would like to continue being a good mother. Am I mother of the year? Probably not. But I am fully invested in Kyleigh's life. I want her to have the best of everything; I want her to have drive and ambition. Since she is a preemie, I want her to succeed and hopefully not have the learning issues that preemies are known to have. I know I can't stop any of that; but I will make sure she has every opportunity and service available. Too many children waste away until it's really too late to help. I know because I see this every day. I don't want that for Kyleigh.
~ I would like to continue to have a good marriage with my husband. Is it perfect? No. But we try. And we try to keep in mind that the ultimate goal is having a great, cohesive family. He's come with a lot of baggage, and I also. He has a habit of lying which I also despise. I am hoping he will work on this. He has improved a lot. I have been clear with him that these things are important to me.
I will also try not to put a lot of stock in what his witch exes say. Yes, I'm sure there is truth to some. I won't discount that; marriages fail for reasons that are not just about one person. I will just keep in mind that some of the things they say are for their own benefit. For example, his fat ass ex in KY is always spouting off about what a lousy father he is, etc, and blasts him on all open lines of communication available (i.e. facebook). I realized this Christmas, when her daughter came to stay with us, what a sad life this woman has. Her husband is a loser, and she's not the greatest mother. No wonder why she has to bash my husband online. Her lies have become her reality.
Ok, enough about that.
~I will plan our wedding reception this year. Somehow, some way. I want to have the wedding I always wanted. I'm hoping it will become a reality.
~And lastly, I would like to put a bit more into my job when I can. It's taken a backseat this year. It's a job I enjoy, so I would like to be more into it than I have been.
And there you have it....resolutions I do not make.
I never make resolutions. I learned a long time ago that they cannot always be kept in a realistic manner, and why set one's self up for disappointment? However, in the coming year, there are some things I would like to improve:
~ I would like to get our family's finances in order. I think many families have this wish; but after the last year I've had, I realized how much more important this is. I wanted to be much more financially well off when I had the baby; I used to make pretty decent money. However, a lay off and some irresponsible spending habits led to a big financial mess. My husband blames himself for this; but in reality he is only a small part of the issue. It was all my baggage. It's funny- I have gone backwards from where I thought I would. I thought I would struggle, struggle, struggle before getting married and having a baby- but I did well first and then struggled the first year of my marriage and child. I feel like a 20 something sometimes. I do know a lot of people are in the same boat. If the US government refuses to call this a depression, then they are delusional. I haven't met one person who was not affected by all of this.
~ I would like to continue to have good relationships with my two stepdaughters. They are sweet girls and they have been through a lot. I have to remember my patience sometimes, as I deal with kids all day and it can be difficult to go through it on weekends. I am lucky to have 2 who are fairly accepting of me. It's hard for me to bite my tongue when it comes to their mothers, however. One is a controlling, cold witch..and the other is a cold, selfish witch...but hey. I feel sorry for them both. Of course, at the end of the day, it is about the girls.
~ I would like to continue being a good mother. Am I mother of the year? Probably not. But I am fully invested in Kyleigh's life. I want her to have the best of everything; I want her to have drive and ambition. Since she is a preemie, I want her to succeed and hopefully not have the learning issues that preemies are known to have. I know I can't stop any of that; but I will make sure she has every opportunity and service available. Too many children waste away until it's really too late to help. I know because I see this every day. I don't want that for Kyleigh.
~ I would like to continue to have a good marriage with my husband. Is it perfect? No. But we try. And we try to keep in mind that the ultimate goal is having a great, cohesive family. He's come with a lot of baggage, and I also. He has a habit of lying which I also despise. I am hoping he will work on this. He has improved a lot. I have been clear with him that these things are important to me.
I will also try not to put a lot of stock in what his witch exes say. Yes, I'm sure there is truth to some. I won't discount that; marriages fail for reasons that are not just about one person. I will just keep in mind that some of the things they say are for their own benefit. For example, his fat ass ex in KY is always spouting off about what a lousy father he is, etc, and blasts him on all open lines of communication available (i.e. facebook). I realized this Christmas, when her daughter came to stay with us, what a sad life this woman has. Her husband is a loser, and she's not the greatest mother. No wonder why she has to bash my husband online. Her lies have become her reality.
Ok, enough about that.
~I will plan our wedding reception this year. Somehow, some way. I want to have the wedding I always wanted. I'm hoping it will become a reality.
~And lastly, I would like to put a bit more into my job when I can. It's taken a backseat this year. It's a job I enjoy, so I would like to be more into it than I have been.
And there you have it....resolutions I do not make.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
It's Been Awhile...
I would like to apologize to all of the causes I promised to blog for on bloggersunite.org. My intentions were good, really. However, I went back to work on Nov. 29. Balancing full time work and an infant has proven challenging. I will do my best to continue blogging for causes.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
What It's Like to Be A Mom To A Preemie....
I certainly didn't expect to be. When my water broke at 33 weeks, no one was more surprised than me. I had 3 weeks left to work; loose ends would be tied. I would have some time to myself before the baby.
Instead, I found myself going into labor, and having a baby in front of a crowd of staff.
Kyleigh was 4 lbs, 4 oz. She scored a 4 on the Apgar. Instead of holding her for as long as I wanted, I held her for a minute before she was whisked away.
Instead of staying at the hospital where she was born, she was sent to another local one with a NICU. I had to stay behind. I didn't see my baby again for 2 days.
I watched as other mothers got wheeled out to their cars with their brand new babies. Instead, my husband and I drove the extra 10 minutes to see my baby in the NICU. She lived in a little box, with all these tubes and wires. She wasn't able to sleep in the bed we'd prepared for her.
Most mothers dealt with a crying newborn at home while trying to recover. Instead, I rushed over to the NICU every day for 8 hours straight. I would watch the monitors; check her breathing constantly; and try feeding her little bits of breast milk at a time. I went home without my baby every night and sobbed into my pillow; picturing her all alone and needing me.
The days turned into weeks. Kyleigh was there for 20 days. We watched as she gained weight. We cheered when her feedings increased. We were on a first name basis with the staff there. We knew some of the other families that were there; with babies sicker than ours.
We kept wondering when she'd go home. The NICU doctors, I learned, do not like to tell parents when their babies will go home in case something changes suddenly. That is a very real possibility.
The day that she finally did go home, we didn't believe it at first. We were afraid something would happen, and things would change. She sailed through her final examination, and made it home.
She'll be 3 months old on Thanksgiving. We are most thankful to have her home with us. We are blessed to have her doing so well. She's come home with no real complications, other than GERD.
We were lucky. There were other parents who weren't.
Today, I want to take the time to think of all of the parents of preemies; and all of the wonderful NICU staff.
Instead, I found myself going into labor, and having a baby in front of a crowd of staff.
Kyleigh was 4 lbs, 4 oz. She scored a 4 on the Apgar. Instead of holding her for as long as I wanted, I held her for a minute before she was whisked away.
Instead of staying at the hospital where she was born, she was sent to another local one with a NICU. I had to stay behind. I didn't see my baby again for 2 days.
I watched as other mothers got wheeled out to their cars with their brand new babies. Instead, my husband and I drove the extra 10 minutes to see my baby in the NICU. She lived in a little box, with all these tubes and wires. She wasn't able to sleep in the bed we'd prepared for her.
Most mothers dealt with a crying newborn at home while trying to recover. Instead, I rushed over to the NICU every day for 8 hours straight. I would watch the monitors; check her breathing constantly; and try feeding her little bits of breast milk at a time. I went home without my baby every night and sobbed into my pillow; picturing her all alone and needing me.
The days turned into weeks. Kyleigh was there for 20 days. We watched as she gained weight. We cheered when her feedings increased. We were on a first name basis with the staff there. We knew some of the other families that were there; with babies sicker than ours.
We kept wondering when she'd go home. The NICU doctors, I learned, do not like to tell parents when their babies will go home in case something changes suddenly. That is a very real possibility.
The day that she finally did go home, we didn't believe it at first. We were afraid something would happen, and things would change. She sailed through her final examination, and made it home.
She'll be 3 months old on Thanksgiving. We are most thankful to have her home with us. We are blessed to have her doing so well. She's come home with no real complications, other than GERD.
We were lucky. There were other parents who weren't.
Today, I want to take the time to think of all of the parents of preemies; and all of the wonderful NICU staff.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
World Diabetes Day // Bloggers Unite
World Diabetes Day // Bloggers Unite
Several years ago, I was told that I was going to have a student who was diabetic. I began to panic. After all, what did I know about diabetes, really? Except that both my Uncle Gary, and a friend from work, Linda, had both passed away from it. Diabetes seemed like a death sentence to me. The fact that this 3 year old boy had it....how would I be able to do this?
When I met this little boy, he was adorable. He wore a Patriots jersey. He seemed normal in every way. The nutritionist on staff assured me that I would be able to care for him. She gave me information; showed us how to test his blood sugar; and how to help him make good eating choices.
Anthony taught me more about diabetes than anyone ever could have. Together, over the two years that I was his teacher, we learned together. I knew when he was "low", and he began to learn when he was low. We worked together to test his blood sugar, to help him make good choices, and to take control of his diabetes.
Other teachers were afraid of him; they never wanted me or his mother to be absent because they were too scared to take control. Anthony taught me it was all about being in control. I will never worry about it again because of him.
His mother became a friend; and today I know that Anthony is doing so well. I am proud of him.
I had watched my uncle Gary lose his battle with diabetes, and it was devastating. He passed away at 46 years old, and was a completely different person from who I'd known growing up. My friend Linda, who was always in control of her diabetes, lost her battle rather suddenly at 35. She left a young son and infant daughter. I was devastated for them.
Watching Anthony grow up, though, I realized it was not a death sentence.
I have other friends with diabetes. They live with it every day, and stay in control.
I am proud of them all.
I hope someday that there is a cure for diabetes.
I blog today for them all- Anthony, Uncle Gary, Linda, Kristin, Kristen.
World Kindness Day // Bloggers Unite
World Kindness Day // Bloggers Unite
It was yesterday, but I feel it's never too late to blog about kindness. Kindness seems to be the thing that is lacking today. A lot of people do not take the time to be kind or care about others. In our day to day life, people become too self involved. I think if we all took the time to stop and look at others, it would make an improvement. Kindness has many forms. It can be a hug, handshake, smile, words, look, or small action.
There's a saying I like, that I've heard a lot lately. It is:
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Plato
There is a more modern version of that, but the point is.....everyone has their own issues, sadness, happiness, hills to climb. It is really difficult to keep it in perspective, but I sometimes try to remind myself of that when I am about to become angry.
Another quote that I like is from Conan O'Brien, when he left the Tonight Show....
"'If you work really, really hard, and you're kind... Amazing things will happen to you."
I think that speaks volumes. I've gotten further in life from being kind and understanding. I have a tough exterior, and I'll admit, I am very outspoken. But I do know how to be kind when it counts. And that quote has stuck with me.
Be kind today, and every day.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Reflecting On Preemies, RSV and Other Stuff
Years ago, I worked in the customer service department of a large furniture store. A woman walked in, with her baby girl. The baby was adorable; big eyes, fuzzy hair, and big smile. She kept smiling at me. I asked the woman how old she was (I want to say 6 months but I'm not sure that's right). The baby slammed her little hands on the counter. I slammed back playfully. We played this game for a minute, and I touched her little hand. The woman became angry. "Don't touch her hands! Don't you know that you never touch a baby's hands? They put their hands in their mouth after you touch them!" I was pretty taken aback by her response, and knowing me, was probably pretty snarky with her th rest of the time. I never forgot this baby and mother. The mother, because she seemingly was a bitch...and the baby, because she had a rubber tube in her nose, held on by tape to her face. I had never seen that before having Kyleigh.
Yesterday, I was reflecting on Kyleigh's birth, as I often do, and a picture clicked in my mind of Kyleigh with her gavage tube. All of a sudden, it hit me, that the baby I remembered from years back was probably a preemie. There is sure no way of mistaking a gavage tube. I realized that the mother was worried, like myself, about the health of her baby. The mother just completely freaked out when I touched the baby's hands, because she was probably worried about RSV.
Of course, it doesn't excuse her from being a bitch. I will never forget as long as I live her chastising tone, as if I were a naughty child. It did make me realize that educating people can, and should be done respectfully.
A couple of weeks ago, I learned from Kyleigh's doctor that she would not be eligible for the RSV shot. My heart sank. She was not on oxygen long enough after her birth, and therefore didn't qualify. To me, a preemie is a preemie. She was still born at 33 weeks, she still spent 20 days in the NICU. Yes, she was very strong from the beginning and really didn't require a whole lot compared to most of the other babies. But, who knows how strong her respiratory system is? The fact that she will be coming with me to daycare really has me worried. I can't stand in the room to see how many times they wash their hands with her, or how many times they sanitize the changing table; I have my own classroom to be in charge of.
I like Kyleigh's doctor, but when I told him I was scared about RSV, his response was "Me too." I suppose he thought he was trying to be honest and on level with me; but I felt like screaming about it.
I just feel because Kyleigh was one of the "stronger" preemies, she will always fall through the cracks and not qualify for things. EI came out a few weeks back, and she didn't qualify for that, either. I was happy to hear that, but what about later??
I just keep telling myself if I can get through this RSV season, I'll be ok.
Yesterday, I was reflecting on Kyleigh's birth, as I often do, and a picture clicked in my mind of Kyleigh with her gavage tube. All of a sudden, it hit me, that the baby I remembered from years back was probably a preemie. There is sure no way of mistaking a gavage tube. I realized that the mother was worried, like myself, about the health of her baby. The mother just completely freaked out when I touched the baby's hands, because she was probably worried about RSV.
Of course, it doesn't excuse her from being a bitch. I will never forget as long as I live her chastising tone, as if I were a naughty child. It did make me realize that educating people can, and should be done respectfully.
A couple of weeks ago, I learned from Kyleigh's doctor that she would not be eligible for the RSV shot. My heart sank. She was not on oxygen long enough after her birth, and therefore didn't qualify. To me, a preemie is a preemie. She was still born at 33 weeks, she still spent 20 days in the NICU. Yes, she was very strong from the beginning and really didn't require a whole lot compared to most of the other babies. But, who knows how strong her respiratory system is? The fact that she will be coming with me to daycare really has me worried. I can't stand in the room to see how many times they wash their hands with her, or how many times they sanitize the changing table; I have my own classroom to be in charge of.
I like Kyleigh's doctor, but when I told him I was scared about RSV, his response was "Me too." I suppose he thought he was trying to be honest and on level with me; but I felt like screaming about it.
I just feel because Kyleigh was one of the "stronger" preemies, she will always fall through the cracks and not qualify for things. EI came out a few weeks back, and she didn't qualify for that, either. I was happy to hear that, but what about later??
I just keep telling myself if I can get through this RSV season, I'll be ok.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Fight for Preemies // Bloggers Unite
Fight for Preemies // Bloggers Unite
This is a good cause....March Of Dimes does so much for premature infants.
It's simple- on Nov 17, blog for a baby who was premature.
Spread awareness to others.
My First Post!! Break Out The Champagne!!!
So, I'm not going to start off by promising I'll write once a day. I've got my hands full- what with the demanding baby and all. I also have a husband I have to take care of. Add to all this the fact that I am going back to work in 3 weeks, and you have me not making any promises. Of course, I might blog once a day....I might blog twice even. Never know. It's the surprise element that will keep everyone guessing, I suppose.
I do like to add a lot of humor and sarcasm to my blog. Those people who know me know that I am this way in real life. I am often so adept with the sarcasm that people often are not sure whether I am being sarcastic or not. I call this a talent.
You may see some of the topics that I write about are about premature babies. My daughter was born 7 weeks early, and is doing well. However, I know all too well that she was a lucky one. So, premature births and March of Dimes are causes I believe strongly in.
I will also put in my 2 cents on educational issues, since I am a teacher. I have been teaching in total about 16 years. I have taught/worked with infants through 6th grade. I currently teach preschool, so I also believe strongly in early childhood education.
I don't know a whole lot about parenting yet, but I will soon discover in this journey. I am not only a mom, but a stepmom, too. Being a stepmom comes with it's own issues. I am learning all that as well.
I am also a very random person, so there will be lots of randomness, too.
I look forward to exploring these, and other topics in my blog. I hope you enjoy reading!
I do like to add a lot of humor and sarcasm to my blog. Those people who know me know that I am this way in real life. I am often so adept with the sarcasm that people often are not sure whether I am being sarcastic or not. I call this a talent.
You may see some of the topics that I write about are about premature babies. My daughter was born 7 weeks early, and is doing well. However, I know all too well that she was a lucky one. So, premature births and March of Dimes are causes I believe strongly in.
I will also put in my 2 cents on educational issues, since I am a teacher. I have been teaching in total about 16 years. I have taught/worked with infants through 6th grade. I currently teach preschool, so I also believe strongly in early childhood education.
I don't know a whole lot about parenting yet, but I will soon discover in this journey. I am not only a mom, but a stepmom, too. Being a stepmom comes with it's own issues. I am learning all that as well.
I am also a very random person, so there will be lots of randomness, too.
I look forward to exploring these, and other topics in my blog. I hope you enjoy reading!
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